Despite the fact that autumn is a bright season and has different colors, it is in autumn that people often experience emotional swings. Our teenagers especially fall under this! The word “teenager” in our culture is perceived almost the same as “risk” or “emotional drama”, and is associated with all forms of strange behavior. However, being a teenager means not only using the practically “legal right” to show audacity and fearlessly move forward, destroying the usual supports of life, but also experiencing incredibly complex changes on the physiological and psychological levels. If earlier all behavioral features were attributed to “flaws in upbringing” or talked about “psychological trauma”, then the latest research in the field of neurobiology indicates that such behavior is also associated with the peculiarities of brain development.
Many parents will agree that it is sometimes difficult to find an approach to teenage children. For them, this is a time of change and growth, when they are no longer children, but not yet adults. The main task of adolescence is self-expression and showing yourself to the world.
We offer tips that will help you find a common language with a teenager and maintain harmonious relationships.
1. Listen and express respect. Teenagers often want to be heard and understand that their thoughts and feelings are important. Open communication is the key to any relationship. Criticism or condemnation will definitely not make a teenager change his mind and agree with yours. It is important to understand that you may disagree with his opinion, but this does not mean that it should be ignored.
2. Be frank with your child. Share your feelings and experiences. This will open the child to contact. Give the opportunity to express your thoughts, fears and emotions. Do not devalue them. Try to hear and see the teenager’s point of view. The child should know that adults are his support.
3. Do not compare children with anyone. This is very offensive to the child, affects their self-esteem, which is only being formed.
4. Put yourself in their shoes. Remember your adolescence. Much of what they are experiencing now may be similar to your experience. Remain patient and supportive, even if their behavior seems unfair or strange to you – who is a model child in adolescence?
5. Set boundaries. It is important to set boundaries and rules, but do so with clarity and reasoned logic. Explain the reasons for the restrictions and dialogue, and not just “because I said so”. Mutual understanding comes when the child understands why certain rules are given to him. After all, rules are safety. There should be control from the parents, but not strict – any actions should be soft.
6. Respect the teenager’s boundaries. Privacy at this age is one of the important things that parents should not neglect. Respecting your teen’s boundaries helps build trust between you. These boundaries include both physical space (your own room or personal belongings) and emotional space (your feelings and thoughts) – don’t impose your presence or interfere in your teen’s private moments without their permission. It’s important for parents to show respect for their child’s territory, even if it’s not very tidy. You shouldn’t take the initiative to tidy up your teen’s room. You need to create situations that will force them to take the initiative in this matter.
7. Lost their temper? Apologize. All parents make mistakes in communicating with children. Especially with teenagers. After all, they are real “experts” in finding and pressing our “emotional buttons”. If we said something that we now regret, it’s good to simply
apologize. “I’m sorry that everything turned out this way. What can I do to prevent this in the future?” You will be surprised at how forgiving and approachable teenagers can be if you are on their side.
8. Common interests and hobbies. Try to find common topics for discussion and hobbies. These can be movies, music, books, sports or other hobbies that you both enjoy. Common hobbies help you get closer and create opportunities for quality interaction. It is cool to talk to your son or daughter about their interests, ask their opinion, and make it clear that their interests are important to you.
Remember, if a child has moved away from his parents, he will definitely get closer to someone. And we do not know the value of this company. We cannot predict. If the needs are not satisfied in the relationship with the parents, the teenager will definitely seek mental balance in other ways. And there he can gain destructive experience. But for the teenager this is an opportunity to close his own psychological needs.
Maintaining healthy relationships with teenagers requires time, patience and openness. Both the teenager and the parents learn and grow together in this process. Pay attention to the emotional state and bring certainty to their lives. When parents support their son or daughter, it fosters self-confidence, motivation and purposefulness.
If you need help, contact specialists!
With respect to you and with love and care for our children,
Psychological Center of the European Collegium
