If you suddenly discover that your child has lied to you, you should not immediately shout, scold the child, or interrogate them, “knocking” the truth out of the child. An aggressive reaction to a child when they have lied only strengthens their desire to continue to hide or distort information in order to avoid punishment. Here’s what you can do at such moments:
1. Don’t pretend that you believe them, but calmly say that these words cause you doubt. In such cases, there is nothing better than a calm and reasonable conversation without raised tones. Be sure to tell your child about your feelings, which you experienced, revealing the truth according to the child’s words. The child should hear from you about your offense, see that you are sincerely upset. The parental attitude towards lies should be quite clear and definite. On the one hand, you should not demand confessions, interrogations and trial of the “criminal”, on the other hand – you should, without hesitation, call things by their right names.
2. Do not drive the child into a corner, always leave the opportunity to repent and admit to lying yourself. If this happens, be sure to praise and express confidence that this will not happen again.
3. In any case, the child should know that it is not necessary to lie to parents. Think about what prevents the child from being frank with you, why he hides certain facts. Try to become close people with your child, who simply do not need lies. Form a trusting relationship with the child!
4. Show your children more often that you love them unconditionally, regardless of mistakes, that everyone makes big and small mistakes in life, everyone has the right to make mistakes.
5. If you want to teach your child to be open and honest, then you must be ready to listen to the bitter truth from them, sometimes, and not just what you like.
6. Always keep your word. If you cannot fulfill a promise, explain to your child why you cannot fulfill it, and be sure to apologize.
If you need help, contact specialists!
With respect to you and with love and care for our children,
Psychological Center of the European Collegium
